The best laughs

One fine day as Jack was attending to his daily chores he saw Mabel bending over to milk the cow. He felt himself become aroused for the first time and, shocked, ran to find the farmer to explain this strange phenomena. 

Upon finding the farmer he proceded to drop his trousers and whip out his stiff trouser snake much to the horror of the farmer. 

"Farmer, farmer," Jack cried, "what is happening to my penis?" 

"Now settle down and put that thing away." said the farmer. "Don't worry about it. It happens to all men." 

"But I don't like it!" cried Jack. 

"Well then," said the farmer, "next time it happens just go into the milk shed, get some cow shit and rub it on your dick. It'll go down quick smart, trust me." 

The next day Jack was passing by the house when he looked in and saw the farmers wife having a shower. Feeling his member getting hard he rushed into the cow shed, dropped his pants and picked up two handfuls of shit. Just then Mabel walked into the shed. 

"What are you doing Jack?" asked Mabel. 

"Well," Jack replied,"I'm gonna rub this shit on my dick to make it go down." 

"That would be a waste." Mabel said as she laid down on the ground and lifted her skirt. "Why don't you stick it up here?" 

So he did. Both handfuls. 

Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches. 

 There also used to be a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 and  coaches £5. 

 This parking attendant worked there for all of  25 years , then one day just didn't turn up for work... 

"Ho hum",  said  Bristol Zoo Management - "better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant" ...... 

 "Err no", said the Council, "that car park is your responsibility" ... 

 "Err no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" ..... 

 "Err NO!" 

 Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking daily the car park fees amounting to an estimated  £400 per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years...!! 

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. 

Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine. 

They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the sh*t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. 

Who says today's kids aren't smart?  Well, some of them are!

At a high school in Montana a group of students played a prank on the school.

They let three goats loose in the school.

Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.

Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.