1) When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
2) When you are scared... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.
3) When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.
4) When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
5) When you are lost... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.
6) When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god, and hand you a paper towel to wipe your mouth.
7) When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why? Because you're my friend.