Thursday, 25 March 2004 18:00

Doctor's Office

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How NOT to behave in your Doctor's Office

OK, We all go the doctor for our aches, pains worries and some of us just to have someone to listen to our problems. Guess What, doctors are human too, so here are is a guide of what to do and not to do.

Code of Ethical Patient Behavior (The Patient's "HYPOCRATIC" Code")

1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT They've already heard it before. Just sit back and take the pain

2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES If you make your doctors unhappy, they might just make a slip with the needle as they are inserting it into your butt.

3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. It wouldn't look to good if you are smiling when the medical books indicate you should be wincing.

4. IT'S STILL SEXUAL HARASSMENT Even if you're babes, your sustained and repeated come-ons to pay in "trade" are still harassment.

5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING Hey, 4 years of medical school, 4 - 7 years in residency and another one or two in fellowships have already made it impossible for your doctor to speak normal English anyway.

6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest, and you might even become famous in a medical textbook, or if you really complain enough, have a procedure named after you.

7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY See #2, Keep you doctor happy..

8. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE Really bad form

9. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR SMELLING LIKE THAT... YES WE DO SMELL YOU... TAKE A BATH Your treatment room can't be used for others for the rest of the day and you almost killed the doctor.

10. FARTING IS NOT "NATURAL AND ORDINARY" JUST CAUSE YOU'RE WITH A DOCTOR You may likely be told you need a referral to a "specialist" .

11. IT TURNS OUT THE NURSES DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU It's a shame but true...
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