You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carollers away.
You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
Your favorite Christmas ornament depicts Santa Claus shooting a moon
Your favorite Christmas movie is "Jurassic Park".
Your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson.
You get your Christmas Tree from a rest stop at night.
You think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie.
Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, brandy, and bourbon
You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.
Your favorite Christmas tradition involves a bonfire and reindeer meat.