Wednesday, 31 December 2003 18:00

Being Irish Means

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* you will never play professional basketball

* you swear very well

* you think you sing very well

* you have no idea how to make a long story short

* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf

* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone

* much of your food was boiled

* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling

* you're strangely poetic after a few beers

* you're poetic a lot

* you will be punched for no good reason.

* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations

* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her

* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth

* someone in your family is incredibly cheap it is more than likely you

* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing

* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking

* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"

* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency

* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger party

* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"

* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Flah"

* you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret

* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.

Excerpt from 'Being Irish... Contemplations on the Nature and Meaning of the Irish Race' by
Joe Keefe Copyright 2002 Andrews McMeel Publishing USA
Read 4807 times Last modified on Thursday, 07 February 2013 01:32
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