" I was doing a survey in London- the question was "What are your views on Migration to the UK?" 7% of people asked said they thought it was a good thing. 12% of people asked said they thought it was a bad thing. And 81% of people asked didn't speak English. "
Pilot To Tower
Wednesday, 06 September 2000 08:45
LH741:"Tower, give me a rough timecheck!"
Tower: "It's tuesday, Sir."
Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...
Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."
Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck."
Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck."
Tower: "Phantom-Formation crossing controlzone without clearance, state your callsign !"
Pilot: "I'm not silly..."
Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots...But we are flexibl."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
Pilot: "Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up."
Tower: "Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination ?"
Pilot: "To Leipzig, like every Monday."
Tower: "But today is Tuesday!"
Pilot: "WHAT? But Tuesday we are off !"
Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"
Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."
Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..." (Anm.: WILCO=Will continue)
Tower: "Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway." Pilot: "Roger. We'll check the car on the runway."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain." Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100." Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain." Pilot: "But four plus six is ten, isn't it?" Tower: "You should climb, not add up."
Tower: "Flamingo 019, do you have a "Springbock" in sight, twelve o'clock five miles crossing from left to right ?" Pilot: "If you mean a 737...?" Tower: "Yeah, you got it, you got it !"
Tower: "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you." Pilot: "Roger. Looking out for John Wayne."
Munchen II Tower: "LH 8610 cleared for take-off." Pilot (LH 8610): "But we are not even landed." Tower: Yes, who is then standing at 26 south ?" Pilot (LH 8801): "LH 8801." Tower: "OK, then you are cleared for take-off."
Tower: You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles! Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!
Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!
Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!
Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX pls. report persons aboard.
D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog.
Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop): Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog ?
Tower: "Height and position?"
Pilot: "I am 1,80 m and I'm sitting.
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