" I worked as a stand up comedian in a old peoples home once... None of them understood my jokes but they still pissed themselves. "


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"How do you like your new stepfather?" the boy's uncle asked him one day.

"We have lots of fun," the boy replied. "Every morning, he rows me out to the middle of the lake and throws me overboard. I have to swim two kilometres back to the shore."

"Isn't swimming that far hard for a boy your age?" the uncle asked.

"Nah, but getting out of the hessian bag is!"
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