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Jokes

Annotated Thermometers

Thursday, 01 January 2004 08:45

Miscellaneous

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Annotated Thermometer
60	Californians put on sweaters(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50	Miami residents turn on the heat
40	You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans go swimming.
35	Italian cars don't start
32	Water freezes
30	You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start
25	Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20	You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south
15	French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10	Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going
5	You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don't start
0	Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate
-10	German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15	You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
-20	Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
-25	Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going
-30	You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don't start
-40	Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south
-50	Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
-60	Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south!!

The OTHER Annotated Thermometer
40	Siberians melt.
50	Scandinavians sweat.
70	Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation.
80	Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.
90	Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground.
100	British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters
105	Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt.
110	Arabians awaken and thaw. Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.
120	Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.
130	Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.
150	Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.
200	Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.
212	Water Boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.
327	Lead Boils. Okies notice it is warm out.
345	Saharans comment that the sand is a little stingy today.
400	Camels die.
2000	Nuclear blast nominal yield.