" My boyfriend came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs... he couldn't get back in. "
Saturday, 11 May 2002 08:45
If you are currently suffering religious, racial or ethnic persecution or even financial hardships and are considering Australia as your destination, please consider the following:
1. Although Australia is a large continent, only small parts of it is actually worth living in and believe it or not these areas are already full of people.
2.The vast majority of the country is uninhabitable due to the large number of poisonous snakes,spiders and man eating crocodiles.
3.Due to the hole in the Ozone layer, you cannot live in the sun unprotected for more than 15 mins and sunscreen costs exceed 40% of the average Australian wage.
4.Australia is in the process of beefing up their defence forces, F111 fighter bombers, Orion coastal patrol aircraft and F/A 18 aircraft all scour our oceans looking for your ships, while the world renowned and feared Collins class submarines are the invisible death lurking undetectable beneath our seas.
NEW ZEALAND WOULD BE A MUCH MORE SUITABLE PLACE TO GO
1.The land mass is virtually devoid of any population, most came to Australia years ago, unlike Australia, there's plenty of room!
2.During the last 1000 years or so any dangerous animal larger than a Pea has gone extinct from the Island, the Friendly Native Maoris have eaten them all.
3.The wonderful climate of New Zealand ensures clouds preserve you from the effects of dangerous UV radiation.
4.The New Zealand Defence force is currently in the process of selling its remaining Tiger Moth biplane, Bill and Wazza of the New Zealand Navy have taken their tin Dinghy and quit. Sailing into New Zealand is simplicity itself!
The beautiful scenery, The Maoris peaceful and friendly nature, promiscuous sheep and the Joys of living in a first world country where water and power is available almost 80% of the time!
Any currency you bring with you will instantly boost you to levels of wealth you never expected as New Zealand's exchange rate with your county of origin is bound to be favourable!
Read some testimonials:
Amatoli Hizradda: "At first I had my heart set on Australia, but with the 50 Drachmas change I had in my pocket, I've purchased a large farmhouse and 2000 sheep!"
Pong pen VNeue: " I'd never heard of New Zealand and when I got here I found no Triads or gangs to hold me ransom, so I started one!"
Slobodan Milosovich:" I was suffering great hardships in my country due to United Nations persecution, I'm safe here in New Zealand as the UN doesn't even know it exists.
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