Jokes

Facts About Men

War of the Sexes

1. What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

2. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

3. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

4. How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

5. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

6. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

7. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

8. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE...He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

9. What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.

10. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.

11. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.

12. What do you with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.

13. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

14. What's a mans' idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.

15. What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."

16. Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners? So men can understand them.

17. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

18. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

19. Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

20. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

21. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? They all already have boyfriends.

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