" I used to think I could pass gas silently until I got my hearing aid. "
A Perfect Day
Wednesday, 06 September 2000 08:45
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of husband's/boyfriend's ex and notice that she has gained 7 kg
13:00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.
16:00 3 dozen red roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer
16:15 Light workout at club followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says that he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive, designer wardrobe. Parade in front of full length mirror
19:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners / dancers
22:00 Hot shower (alone)
22:50 Carried to bed. Freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.
06:15 Blow job
06:30 Massive, satisfying dump whilst reading the sports pages
07:00 Breakfast. Rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by naked buxom wench
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Several whiskeys en-route to airport
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
09:30 Limo to St. Andrew' s golf club (blow job en-route)
09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys)
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lb) on light tackle.
17:00 Fly home. Massage and hand job by Elle McPherson
18:45 Shit, shower and shave
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalised
19:45 Dinner. Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953); big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall-sized TV showing International Match of the Day. England 11: Germany 0.
22:45 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
23:30 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale
00:15 Night cap blow job
00:30 In bed alone
00:35 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
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