A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Jokes

Fractured English

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Irish Hijinks

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Arbitrator (ar'-bi-tray-ter): A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable (uh-voy'-duh-buhl): What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney (buh-lo'-nee): Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette (burn'-a-det): The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize (bur'-gler-ize): What a crook sees with.

Control (kon-trol'): A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters (kown-ter-fit-ers): Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse (i-klips'): what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper (i'-drop-ur): a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes (hee'-rhos): what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank (left' bangk'): what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Misty (mis'-tee): How some golfers create divots.

Paradox (par'-uh-doks): two physicians.

Parasites (par'-uh-sites): what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist (farm'-uh-sist): a helper on the farm.

Polarize (po'-lur-ize): what penguins see with.

Primate (pri'-mat): removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief (ree-leef'): what trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck (rub'-er-nek): what you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress (seem'-stres): describes 250 pounds in a size six.

Selfish (sel'-fish): what the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued (sub-dood'): like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

Sudafed (sood'-a-fed): bringing litigation against a government.
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