Jokes

Early Retirement

Office Blues

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TO: ALL EMPLOYEES OVER 25 YEARS OF AGE
FROM: MANAGEMENT
DATE: 6TH NOVEMBER 1997
RE: EARLY RETIREMENT

Due to the potential sale of the business, the administrator has decided to implement a scheme to place all employees over 25 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the administrator for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). The situation of employees who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme. (Scheme For Retired Early Workers). An employee may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, but SCREWED as many times as the administrators deem appropriate.

Employees who have been RAPED can apply for AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings or Retiring Early Severance). Obviously employees who had AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the administrator.

Employees staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The administrator has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of the administrator, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

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